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🌷 Who do you wake up in the middle of the night and know that they will be there for you? 🌷Who tells you off when you are creating all sorts of monumental messes in your universe? 🌷Who is there when you cry and feeds you so you can cry on a full stomach? 🌷Who yanks you out from relationships that are not good for you and puts landmines on the path so you can’t go back? 🌷Who do you borrow money and things from and wish them luck about retuning them? 🌷Who is irresponsible with you and like my people tells you “maak hom klaar ons sal more sien’ (blow it all up, you only live once) Corners are not only meant to be neat and empowering, but also need to be chaotic and liberating.. WHERE IS YOUR CORNER? The end🌷

A big part of that is taking responsibility for things and people we shouldn’t. Their emotions, challenges and even responsibilities. At home or work or society, we are always raising our hand to deal with people and things that have nothing to do with us. They may affect us; but don’t and shouldn’t involve us. Just because we have a solution or are kind doesn’t mean we must get involved. But like superman, the sight of trouble even if it is a trap, we fly in and lift them out of ‘trouble’ (sometimes that trouble is self inflicted, some staged and some a narcissistic plot to control people or outcomes). The burdens most of us are carrying are not ours…our backs are too wide and shoulders too strong that we forget that everyone has got to carry their own monkey – our job is to help adjust it on their back so it doesn’t fall or maybe to help offload it when they are ready to let it go. So check your back this new month, count your montkeys, keep only yours and take the others back to their owners because as some wise African proverb advises, “If it is not your monkey, do not carry it”.

In the storm of our issues we are unable to see what we have moved from and where we potentially can move to. 💐 A student who struggled at primary school is now employed and that trauma is a distant past 💐 A couple that broke up is now happily coupled elsewhere and that anger washed away by insane happiness 💐 A sick person has either healed or is now so used to treatment that it has become a new normal 💐 That employee who was let go has made a new plan and is making it elsewhere and their company a faint memory With or without our active contribution, our minds forget, our hearts forgive and physically as each day passes, we are already in motion from this thing or these people to that new thing or those new people.

To thrive, you need to get survival matters out of the way. That may mean: 💡 You respecting that job you don’t like because it takes care of toothpaste and puts food on your table 💡You appreciating that talent and dreams don’t always pay the rent 💡 You living according to the requirements of your survival 💡 You eliminating all the habits that keep you in survival mode 💡 You understanding that more money doesn’t necessarily take you out of survival, it can if you are not careful push you into an even bigger hole Survival is like a blindfold, until you remove it, you have no chance of growth, fulfilment or actualisation. Happy June 🥂

What if life was that simple that…. 🌷 You don’t need as much to survive and thrive as you fear you do 🌷.You don’t need to ‘die’ saving as much as you do at the expense of living because no rainy days are forecast in your allocated time on earth 🌷 You considered yourself blessed and started living like you are….. 🌷 You let go of the culture of personal achievements and begin to treasure moments with self and others…. 🌷 You become okay with regularly dropping some of your balls… 🌷 You imagine that your everyday will be beautiful and you interacted with your world on the beautiful side of life…. PS: Almost halfway through the year, halfway through some lifetimes and near end in some experiences and existences!

 As a Rakgadi myself I just want to come in peace and warn you of the different kinds of subtle bullies. Helpful bullies – they are always advising and showing you how to do things; be careful, it is always their way and they will slowly kill your self esteem bit by bit until you are fully assimilated Superstitious bullies- they will always threaten you that if you don’t do this or that, your ancestors, witches or God will do this and that to you or your children and that is their way of beating you to submission Passive Aggressive bullies – they shut you out of their lives and sometimes the whole clan if you don’t tow their line, leaving you desperate to sell your soul to them at a discount to belong Reputation bullies – they will make up stories or write stories about you that you will have no appetite to correct because you are ‘not petty’. But believe me they will succeed in painting you black because people no longer have time to verify or question- all news is newsworthy. As for the normal bullies, don’t face them head on, you can never out-bully a bully, they have been trained from birth at most and arrive into adulthood as champion bullies. Akere 🤷🏿‍♂️

Have you ever woken up one day and found yourself in a middle of a crisis….some people will say we saw it coming, but it will turn out in truth that you didn’t see, didn’t smell it and you are honestly the last one to know. You may wake up one day with a life threatening health challenge and only then realise that those headaches which Paracetamol nicely cured were a sign, but at the time were just headaches to you. You may wake up one day to a relationship that has completely collapsed and only realise then that the flamboyant gestures of love were a mask for you not to see the challenges. You may wake up one day with no job and only realise that the small cuts in budgets in your company were a sign that you didn’t see because out of optimism and empathy, your leadership didn’t want to sow uncertainty until the very last breath. You may wake up one day to find your relatives having put you on the sacrificial plate and only realise that the missed invitations were a sign you missed completely because you were so busy playing happy families. You may wake up one day to your friends working with your enemies to destroy you and only then realise why there was always silence when you shared about your life…because every detail was critical to the plot. You will in most cases be blind to the signs of imminent crisis, you will definitely be the last one to know and most importantly, your today and your tomorrow will look like night and day…. So what then? Learn to live blind and pray that your turn comes at a time when you have learnt how to rebuild, when you know that crises are a fact of life and that nothing that is happening to you will be there forever unless you let it. Kunzima all around…in every crisis, when you are blind, don’t expect to see 💐

They say men are supposed to be providers and in today’s world the word men is neutral in that more and more women are also providers. That aside, I wonder if we all on the same page about this provision Those who provide for their families are supposed to be: Providers of peace Providers of stability Providers of sanity Providers of love Providers of money All too often we are obsessed with the provision of money that we think it outweighs all the crucial elements that come with the assignment of the provider. Sometimes we won’t have the means to provide money because of misfortune, economic challenges and joblessness; but must never cease to provide with all we have, peace, stability, love and sanity. And to those who seek providers….so there 🤷🏼‍♂️

Two days ago I listened with dismay to a story of a feuding family. A mother and daughter have not spoken for over year and grandchildren have been banned from even looking in the direction of the grandmother. Of course such things end up spilling over to aunts, uncles and siblings who have to take sides depending on the side of their bread they need buttered. There is always a justification for these feuds and everyone’s feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. In some cases, the feuds are a necessary wall needed to protect the vulnerable from family narcissists and in serious cases,’from physical harm. These feuds destroy not only the immediate family, but they also contaminate the rest of the clan. They bring a spirit of chaos and most importantly, cut the generational bonds required to take the family forward beyond the feuding parties. I wonder who can tell us what at the ultimate end they gained when all is said and done; I wonder who can show us a victor who is so happy (like inside out happy) that wherever they step or what they always leave behind is chaos. Families are not perfect and fighting is healthy…but do we know when we have gone beyond healthy conflict? Do we know the damage it causes to the innocent bystanders or those who have to be loyal to the chaos?…do we know if the feud will still matter when one of the parties die? I am beginning to wonder if maybe these feuds are fuellled by the culture of togetherness that I sometimes think is overrated. Whatever your feud…have you tallied the cost? Are you happy to continue paying the price?

Have you ever been betrayed to such an extent that you want to slash tyres, spray paint the car and put a billboard on the N1 about the betrayer? Or have you betrayed someone that they wished for a earthquake to hit your house at the magnitude that exceeds the levels on the Ritcher scale? Betrayal is bad and can sometimes cause irreparable harm. It is because it is negative by design that we don’t always look at the greater good that does and can come from a betrayal. Some of you have been betrayed out of jobs you should have long left because they were stopping you from being present at home, present within yourself and obedient to your calling. I am sure some of you are grateful for being betrayed out of relationships that were toxic and you sit there wishing your betrayer well because they are the sacrificial lamb that took your place. You now look at them with a “yeses what took you so long” kind of vibe. Betrayal is meant to make you stronger because you have either survived it and are still alive to talk about it; or you are recovering from it because you can at the least, wake up and brush your teeth. Betrayal is meant to make you treat others well because you have been inside every store in the shopping mall of pain. Betrayal is a powerful turning point, you can walk forward and away from it, and go on to live your best life or you can get stuck with its details and spend the rest of your life glorifying misery by putting your betrayer and betrayal on a pedestal. That said, betrayal doesn’t always come from the outside; make time to introspect about how you are constantly betraying yourself out of your health, your goals and great relationships 🌻