Two days ago I listened with dismay to a story of a feuding family. A mother and daughter have not spoken for over year and grandchildren have been banned from even looking in the direction of the grandmother.
Of course such things end up spilling over to aunts, uncles and siblings who have to take sides depending on the side of their bread they need buttered.
There is always a justification for these feuds and everyone’s feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. In some cases, the feuds are a necessary wall needed to protect the vulnerable from family narcissists and in serious cases,’from physical harm.
These feuds destroy not only the immediate family, but they also contaminate the rest of the clan. They bring a spirit of chaos and most importantly, cut the generational bonds required to take the family forward beyond the feuding parties.
I wonder who can tell us what at the ultimate end they gained when all is said and done; I wonder who can show us a victor who is so happy (like inside out happy) that wherever they step or what they always leave behind is chaos.
Families are not perfect and fighting is healthy…but do we know when we have gone beyond healthy conflict? Do we know the damage it causes to the innocent bystanders or those who have to be loyal to the chaos?…do we know if the feud will still matter when one of the parties die?
I am beginning to wonder if maybe these feuds are fuellled by the culture of togetherness that I sometimes think is overrated.
Whatever your feud…have you tallied the cost? Are you happy to continue paying the price?